I recently created a course called ‘Healthy Friendships’ for girls aged 5-17 years. During the creation of the course I sat pondering what were the ingredients/aspects of a healthy friendship. From my own experiences I brainstormed, I read books, I googled and finally came up with a list.

I sat there thinking having one of those moments – I wish I had known this earlier it would have saved me a lot of heartache. Famous words by Richard Bach ‘You teach what you most need to learn.’

Here is the list I came up with that I believe can be applied to every relationship and most importantly the one you have with yourself.

  • It is is a place where:
  • You receive kindness and love
  • You are understood, totally accepted as you are
  • You are safe, supported and cared for
  • You are heard and spoken to in a respectful way
  • You feel free to express your view or opinion even if the other person has a different view
  • Your feelings and experiences are acknowledged as real
  • Apologies are received for anything said or done that you thought were not nice
  • Your work and your interests are spoken of with respect
  • You receive encouragement, not comparison
  • You are free to be yourself at all times
  • There is an emotional connection
  • You are respectfully asked rather than ordered
  • You can trust that person is being honest, will be there when you need help and that they will do what they say they will do
  • You feel like an equal in the friendship
  • You feel happy and joyful for most of the time
  • You are so thankful for this person in your life, and speak to others in a positive way about this relationship.
  • Disagreements are dealt with in a calm manner, resolved quickly with each party taking responsibility
  • Your boundaries are respected
  • Although hard to hear you are thankful when another expresses hurt as a result of your actions, giving you opportunity to resolve the issue, understand the other more deeply and improve the relationship
  • Past issues are just that, lessons are learnt and both parties commit to a way forward
  • You are encouraged and supported to have relationships with others
  • There is no pressure to do something or think a certain way (no threats or bribes)
  • There is no hitting or pushing
  • There is no angry outbursts or name calling
  • There is no blame, criticism or judgement


On the course girls are encouraged to review current relationships, determine what they may wish to work on personally to become a good friend to themselves and others.

The list has also served me to review those relationships that do not meet many of the aspects detailed and the need to move away from or limit time in the company of these people with a personal aim to feel loved and respected in all my relationships.

This list has become a benchmark for myself to evaluate my own relationship with myself, my relationships with others and determine which aspects I can work on to become a better friend, mother, daughter, sister, niece, etc.

Perhaps you may wish to use this list in our own life to evaluate and improve relationships.

Thankyou for your time

Love from me


Karen Ormston is a Professional Life Coach, Intuitive Guide and ThetaHealing Practitioner who is the owner-director of Petite Soul Sanctuary.

Photosource: Me and one of my besties